Best Talk In Town

Iris Chelarescu

What Is The Best Way To Deal With Misogyny

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What Is The Best Way To Deal With Misogyny

Understanding Men It Will Be Easier For You To Deal With Them.

March 22, 2022

I disagree with misogyny just as much as I do with misandry. And believe me, I have had to deal with shitty male figures all my life, and I am doing it today as we speak, and I am pretty sure I will have more around me until the day I die.And you know what? I don’t let myself be too affected by it. Yes, it isn’t very unpleasant, and it’s bothering me. Sometimes it’s exhausting because I have to bark back all day long. But I always stand up for myself and look at my interests.

However, the misogyny I dealt with over time also refined my personality, gave me experience, and pushed me to … women-up LOL.

It’s 2022, and we still live in a male-dominated world that frustrates many women. I know. But let’s face it, in the same 2022, we live in times when women are not sent like before in the kitchen or take care of the family. And if we are, we have the right to protest and choose not to do it.

Most of the time, most of us are encouraged to pursue the education and the career we want. To be independent, outspoken, and make a living.

As a side note, I see a lot of women, especially in Dubai, that are housewives and dedicate full-time to taking excellent care of the household. But even many of these women don’t “sleep” in the kitchen, nor their best friend is the vacuum cleaner. They manage a small business or have a part-time job to keep them busy and have some extra money in their pocket. (clapping)

Times have changed, but men are still threatened by us because, let’s face it: we are damn capable, mentally stronger, and we know how to use manipulative tools against them to get what we want. Sorry boys, but it’s true.

So what do my beloved men do when they feel threatened? They turn into chauvinistic assholes. And ATTENTION not all, but the weak ones. Because just as misandrists, misogynists are weak characters.

Strong people have enough confidence to keep it fair and behave with class.

If you noticed, misandrists and misogynists have zero class or self-confidence.

By the way, another side note 😀 I know very well there is a difference between the terms misogyny and chauvinism, at least according to the dictionary, but frankly, I don’t give a shit. It all resumes mistreating and disrespecting women at the end of the day.

This behavior comes not only because they feel insecure but also because of their manhood, because of that deep-rooted sense of patriarchy in their genes for centuries.

This shows that most men are more or less chauvinists.

But again, times have changed, and they keep changing. Women can easily have a voice, freedom, options, and we can make our own choices whenever we want. With whom we want. How we want. End of story.

I mean, look at me and what I am writing about all day long.

Men are men. And especially alpha males (my specialty lol), most of the time, they have to prove you wrong, cut you when you’re talking, not listen to you, not consider your needs and desires, and the worst of it all, not take you seriously. Because you are a woman. (Eye Roll).

They feel threatened that you’ll be better and more successful than them and surpass them professionally. Because the reality is that intellectually and mentally, we are more capable and stronger than them.

It happened to me many times, and it gave me a bitter taste and that feeling I feel pity for you my friend” – cause’… that’s all you’ve got???

From my experience, men have different ways to show their misogyny. Some do it elegantly and more mildly, and some behave like animals. They insult you and treat you like you are a piece of shit.
What Is The Best Way To Deal With Misogyny – From A Very Personal Perspective
Before I go deeper – they don’t impress me, and they don’t have an impact on me.

Sometimes they hurt me and make me cry (even me!!) whether at work or in my personal life. But I will always stand up, say what I have to say, and move on.
AT WORK
If they interrupt, I interrupt as well. There are other situations when I just let them talk (rolling my eyes – in my mind). I approve and do whatever the hell I have to do. Getting angry all the time will only make my blood pressure go high.

If they ignore me, I ignore them, and it’s just a job anyway.

If they are rude, I am rude as well. Or sometimes I am sweet as honey. Again depends :))

In general, I ignore a lot and as much as I can.

In a nutshell, even though sometimes I snap, most of the time I kill them with kindness 😀
IN MY PERSONAL LIFE
If any of my friends or other men I know are like this, I don’t take them seriously and make fun of them.

If there is a conversation or a situation, I make my point and change the subject.
MY PARTNER
I don’t.

I have zero tolerance for misogyny who want to share the same bed with me every night.

Period.

I will always choose a strong character and an alpha male as a partner, but when it comes to chauvinism, please keep it low profile 🙂

The above is a very personal list and a system that I structured and improved over time. It took me 25 years if I think about it. Starting from my father to the men are nowadays in my life.

3 Reasons Why (Some) Men Are Misogynists

#1 FRUSTRATION
#2 ENVY
#3 CHILDHOOD ISSUES

All the above have one common element. FEAR.

Fear is the engine that stirs all the other elements.

And when you are led by fear, you are not free.

In conclusion, it is much more complicated as a woman, and you need balls to make it simply because it is still a boy’s playground.

I dealt with this all my life. Did I give up? Never. Do I still love and support men? Yes.

How do you deal with misogyny? Share your recipe 😀

Women’s Massive Impact On Shaping Men

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Women’s Massive Impact On Shaping Men

Mothers In Particular.

March 15, 2022

When I started this blog, I knew that I wanted to share my experiences, what I learned, and the advice I wanted to give. Initially, I thought I would write mainly about women and support my gender empowerment. But I also knew I love men, and I want to be fair and equally help them. However, writing one piece after another, one of the first articles was For the Love of Men. It popped out of nowhere, and while I was working on it, I realized this blog post’s purpose was to position me as a writer to define my voice and shape the message that I want to send to the outer world.And one of the key messages is that men are fantastic, and we women have a massive impact on shaping male genders, particularly mothers.

In the article For the Love of Men, I discuss my abuse.
Those insensitive words and slaps hurt me. But it was my choice to stand for myself, leave everything behind and grow up. To make peace and forgive. And it was my CHOICE to live a happy life and make the best out of my relationships with men.
I looked for answers and explanations first within me and later on through therapy.
I chose to heal and move on. And not hate men but love them.

The first time I used my voice to stand for myself in front of my father, I was 16 years old. I could have quickly become a man-hater. But this never occurred to me.

In my articles, I often write about men and what I am dealing with, personally and professionally, but I don’t throw with shit. And I also mentioned how men had a significant impact on shaping me into the woman I am today. By being assholes and by being mentors. By hating or by loving me.

On the flip side, women have had a massive role in shaping men since birth. And many men are what they are today because of their mothers, sisters, other family members, and more or less love partners.

Have you ever thought about how many times women as mothers fuck up their sons? Especially mentally.
Have you ever thought that little boys are also sexually, mentally, and physically abused by their parents?
Most murderers of the past centuries had dysfunctional relationships with their mothers or other close female figures during their childhood and teenage years.
I already know that you will say I am very harsh here, and I have no mercy. But facts and history speak for themselves.

There was always a scandal in our household, and as an only child (I know I was a girl and not a boy, but it’s a similar thing in this context), I was the center of it. 99% of it ended with me being beaten by my dad because my mother, who started it 99% of the time, because of her big mouth. And instead of taking my side and protecting me, she was the one provoking and setting things on fire.

Bless her heart. I love her, and I appreciate everything she did and still does for me.
She is a role model for me in many ways. But we were never close, nor had we had that sisterhood relationship. And it was painful.

The idea is that we think mainly we women are affected by the dysfunctional relationships we have with our fathers, other male figures, or love partners.
But the cold reality is that men are equally touched by the shitty relationships they had with their mothers and other women in their lives.

So it might also be better for us women to look around us and think about what we do wrong and how we can improve, especially as mothers.

I am not a mother, and I am not analyzing the problem from this point of view. But I am from a woman’s perspective dealing with adult men who have issues because of their dysfunctional relationship with their mothers.

Why do I blame mothers more on them than love partners? Because like Freud said, our adult personality develops from early childhood experiences.

Therefore I have more empathy and understanding for men’s love partners. They already have to deal with a mature adult male that is supposed to have his life together. Allegedly …
When mothers are the first female figures, they interact with them in their first years. And this is the considerable impact I am talking about.

Being a mother is one of the most important roles a woman will play. Studies have shown that early childhood is a period in which, developmentally, a child is learning a lot from their surroundings and the people around them. This is the child’s window of learning that will impact their growing years and turn them later on into a man.
Therefore, as the prominent presence in a child’s life at this moment, a mother’s relationship with her child is crucial.
A mother plays multiple roles in a child’s development and growth: social, emotional, and physical.

I will not give any specific advice because I am not a mother (yet). Still, the approach is why adult men I am dealing with coming up with a trauma that started from childhood because their mothers were too busy to hug them, encourage or empower them. And so many other things such as abuse and profound lack of care.

My only thought for us women is to keep it low profile and look more in our garden because the reality is that so many women have a massive impact on shaping male genders and turning them into the adult mature men they are today.

What are your thoughts?

The Definition Of Being A True Feminist

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The Definition Of Being A True Feminist

Who Is She?.

March 4, 2022

She is sophisticated, smart, sexy, and confident. She knows how to talk and get what she wants, and she is a badass that knows her worth.She is educated and has manners. She knows when to say Fuck off and when she should better not.

She knows how to stand up and protect her rights in front of male or female threats.

In a nutshell, for me, this is the definition of being a feminist. Period.

Should I mention she is feminine and knows how to dress and take care of herself? For her, first of all. Because this is called self-worth and self-respect.

Ultimately she loves men and has a good relationship with other women. She does not see any as a potential danger.

Instead of screaming like a frustrated animal and whining:

OMG, I hate men.

Men are the worst creatures, and they are responsible for all the abuse in the world.

This world is so ugly because of all the horrible things men do.

She sits down and negotiates. She is articulate and communicates her wishes and desires. She talks about her terms. She also knows when it is smart to give up and move on. Or let it go.

She is not perfect, but bold, bright, and beautiful.

Feminism as a movement was created to liberate women and help them become more independent and have all the rights men have by birth. It took us hundreds of years to be where we are today, and it was a lot of hard work, struggle, and sacrifice of many unique, brave women.

God bless them as this is called true feminism.

I am more than grateful that I have so much freedom and independence today.

Sadly the movement took a wrong turn in the last years.

I never like to place a whole group into a category. I know there are still genuine feminists today who are working towards our best interests. They build programs that protect women from rape, domestic violence, sexual harassment, and more. They still militate for our rights and dedicate their existence to making things even better and smoother for us.

The real problem is that the so-called feminist’s motivation comes from profound hate for men. And instead of focusing on a good cause that could bring something valuable to the table, they would instead cultivate hatred, write books about it and instigate young girls and other women to be part of it.

They are like a dysfunctional sect that encourages other women and young girls to start a war with the opposite gender. And their primary mission is to demolish the relationships between men and women.

How about we talk more about women’s empowerment, for example? And do something about it. Because women with each other are dealing with wildly fucked up toxic relationships.

While doing my research, I was surprised to find out there is a book released in France, and it is suggestively called “I hate men.” This is not worth a penny to spend on, but hey, research is research.

The book is a vomit written by a confused, immature frustrated girl (I can’t call her a woman) – Pauline Harmanage that takes her pathetic self way too seriously. It was initially banned in France but eventually released, which is good and bad.

Good because we have to know what we’re dealing with.

Bad because it gives a very shitty example of how we should NOT be.

She is the impersonation of that kind of feminist that shows us that something clearly went wrong. Pauline is someone that tried to teach young girls that being a misandrist is healthy and necessary. And hating men is a good thing. Like WTF!

And the worst part, and I quote, Standards are very low for men and very high for women. Let’s reserve ourselves the right to be ugly, badly dressed, vulgar mean, bad-tempered, untidy, selfish, incompetent …”
My Comments Towards This Disoriented Chick:

  1. Men are not what they used to be. Nowadays, men take more care of themselves. They groom correctly, and they choose their attire carefully.
  2. So when we wash, wax, do our hair, nails, and make-up, wear fashionable clothing, do we do it exclusively for men?? How about personal hygiene??? How about for our self-worth, for God’s sake?
Let Me Enlighten The Situation. Smart, Sexy, Independent Women That Look Good Do It Because:
  1. For themselves. It is called self-respect.
  2. For other women. We LOVE to be admired and even envied by other women. Say no more!
  3. For MEN

So, Pauline, I wasted too much of my time writing about your nonsense, and in the end, I only have two words for you: GROW UP!

If we don’t need men, let’s start doing their jobs, such as plumbers, work in mines, and construction workers. And do all the jobs they do because we are STRONG; we don’t NEED them any we can do exist as a society without the male species.

Joke aside, I’m not saying that is easy for women. With all the freedom we have, it’s still much harder for us.

Is it hard to be a woman for me? Fuck yeah! I have to fight for my rights all the time. I deal with assholes and chauvinists almost every day.

But Every Morning, I Choose To
  1. Have manners and behave like an educated middle-class woman. Both in public and at home. I mean, I don’t live in a cave in the woods, right?
  2. Not to burp or fart in public like a feminist encourages us to do because … well, there is too much pressure on us (duh!)
  3. Look good. Wear high heels, dress nice, do my hair, and put on make-up when I leave the house. And be casual whenever I feel like it. And by the way, casual does not mean stinky and disgusting.
  4. Have flawless hygiene
  5. Stand up for me and go for my rights. Whether I have to deal with men or … women. Because sometimes bitches make things harder for their own gender.

Men are part of life, and even if they make things more challenging for us, oh well, it helps us grow and become stronger.

A positive attitude and filling our hearts with love will only help us win. Win for us and not against them.

This is the definition of being an authentic true feminist.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

If You’re Single Stop Wasting Your Time With Cheaters

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If You’re Single Stop Wasting Your Time With Cheaters

They don’t bring any value to your life

February 19, 2022

In a recently posted article, I love my girlfriend, and that’s why I am cheating on her we talked about how committed men enjoy having the best of both worlds, about how they have a lovely girlfriend or wife at home while they are out and about, living life to the fullest.

I would like to continue with another chapter related to the subject because there is another angle to explore. The other side of the fence is the single women wasting their time with cheaters. 

Personally, I am guilty as hell. I said yes a couple of times but only got burned emotionally once with the heart doctor. Otherwise, I didn’t care as I was single with no obligations or explanations to give to anyone; hence, I had my share of fun. 

One time I didn’t even know the guy was married, and he told me after I went out with him a few times. 

The issue is that some men would not even mention a tiny little aspect – that they are committed – which can only make things worse. They are scared and try to protect their family and more: they try to protect themselves. 

Should I underline that you deserve to know the truth??

Would I personally do it again? At this point in my life – no way! The last time was a few years ago. In fact, I just can’t take it anymore, and it took me a long time to reach here. And this is why I want to advise you not to do it. 

This article’s whole point shows that women are as guilty as men and have a massive contribution to the cheating situation.

Girls – there is no judging from my side. I just don’t want you to get hurt and throw away years of your time for a bastard. If it’s just fun, go for it. But again, try not to.

Let’s not forget there is another innocent woman on the other side … which next month or next year it could be you. Food for thought, right?

Why You Should Stop Wasting Your Time With Cheaters 

THERE IS NO FUTURE
95% of them will not end their relationship with you. Whether they will promise you or not, the majority will have a great time with you, but they will always return to their partners. 

KARMA IS A BITCH
You don’t want to be someone’s partner someday and be in the same situation.

BLOCKING OTHER OPPORTUNITIES
While you are spending your time with them, you block other potential single matches. Because you are involved, and you don’t see any other men around you. 

THE OTHER WOMAN
You will always be “the other woman,” hence not a priority but another option that he chooses to spend time with when it is convenient for him because of his “other” responsibilities. 
LOW SELF ESTEEM
Accepting being the other woman is low self-esteem, value, and self-worth. You deserve to be number one.

HIDING 
Every time you meet, I am sure you have to hide and have your own safe spots. Safe for him, not for you. Not to mention a vacation together is out of the question.

HOLIDAYS ARE TO BE MISSED 
Or any other essential celebrations will not be spent with you because he will be busy with his family. 

HE IS A LIAR
If he is lying to her, what are the odds that he is lying to you? Perhaps you are not even the only one he sees outside his official relationship. 

HALFWAY
Because you are single, you will give him everything, but he will only give you half since he is not. It’s simply not fair. 

YOU ARE BEING USED 
This is not love nor fair commitment. It’s usage. 

Usually, the end of these affairs it’s awful. And you will be the broken one. Just like I was with the heart doctor. 

The cheater will go back to his cozy nest, and you will end up crying for days and suffering for longer. 

3 Simple Steps To Stop Wasting Time Your With Cheaters 

Say NO
Move On 
Date Single Guys 

What A Cheater Can Bring To The Table

When we are younger, we care less and have less knowledge, experience, and empathy. And that’s ok. Because only growing we learn and we become better.

From What I Noticed, Much Younger (And Not Only) Girls Spend Their Time With These Kinds Of Men Also Because:

  1. Sex is good.
  2. Money and many other benefits
  3. Occasional good times 
  4. Connections that he can provide 

If you analyze the 4 benefits listed above, it’s not bad. I mean, you are the one who is not committed. So go for it, live your life the way you want, and don’t ever allow anyone to judge or tell you what to do. But be careful with your feelings and always think another person on the other side might get really hurt. 

Why I Am Done With Cheaters 

  1. They bore me to death with lies, excuses, and pathetic stories. How their wives don’t make them happy anymore. How they have been together for so long, and they need to spice things up (outside the relationship, of course). How they can’t get a divorce because of XYZ. Children are involved. Blah Blah Blah. Incredibly dull and pathetic. 
  2. I think more of how I could be the other woman, and it’s not a pretty picture.
  3. I don’t care about their money and connections. 
  4. If I just want sex, I know where to go. 
  5. I surround myself with energies I don’t need when I want to leave room in my life for someone honest and single like me. Hence I am wasting my time. 

I have zero regrets for what I did in my youth. And nor should you. Because we can’t change anything from the past, BUT we can control the present and the future. And me, I am so done. 

Let me know what you think 

When Men Are Emotionally Unavailable

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When Men Are Emotionally Unavailable

It’s not you. It’s me.

February 16, 2022

I can’t tell you the number of times I have dealt with emotionally unavailable men.

So many times in the last 20 years. It’s like the same old story repeating and repeating all over again like a broken record.

Same lines, same attitude, same excuses, same drama, same lame shit. 

And when men are emotionally unavailable, the most used and overused line and the easiest to pull out is the famous – It’s not you. It’s me. Because this would make things easier … damn! 

And you know what the worst part is? To hear: You are perfect, there is nothing wrong with you, you are so amazing, you seem to be the one. But the whole problem is with me, and I can’t do this.

Basically: IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME! WTF! I personally can’t hear this anymore. And I am sure I am not the only one in this situation. My girlfriends are going through the same and many other women I talk to.

Just to be fair, girls do it as well. When I gave this line, IT’S NOT YOU. IT’ S ME was a lie. I wanted to sugarcoat the situation, and maybe I didn’t wanna hurt your feelings. Or I don’t have the guts to tell you how I really feel because sometimes I am a coward. Or I just don’t feel like getting into over-explaining because it’s not worth it, or I just don’t care. 

Is it the same or different for men? 


I Can Only Think Of 3 Valid Reasons.

  1. It is actually you, but he won’t say it because he is a nice guy and won’t hurt your feelings, or he is an asshole and wants out real fast.
  2. It’s not really you, but anything else you could think of from an old ex that messed him up, or perhaps he might be focused on other things. 
  3. He wants to be alone. He needs space and time to figure things out. 

I truly appreciate a guy that has the balls to tell you the truth in your face and communicate with you. Because some just disappear, and in the best case, they will throw an excuse, or you will never hear anything again. 

So let’s frame this differently. 

During our lives, we all have different kinds of relationships. Some are great, some are amazing, some are average, and some are fucked up. The last ones happen because we deal with crazy people who mess up things that impact us.

I mean, look at my story with the Psycho. A young, immature, and innocent version of myself stayed there for almost seven years and took the shit of a psychopath.

Eventually, when I woke up and put an end to it, thank God I was strong enough to understand that that does not serve me and long term, it will destroy me. So when I was out, instead of being afraid of meeting other men, I was the opposite because I knew he was terrible and there must be a lot of good men out there.

So I had a lot of hope. I learned my lessons, and I was so happy and eager to live my life and find remarkable men. And I was right. 

But men are not built the same way. Sometimes I laugh, thinking they will start crying if you hit them with a flower. Sorry guys, but you are so sensitive. And sometimes a little too much. 


The Question Is, How Do We Recover And How Fast?
I often try to understand why the healing process is so different. Why do men need a longer time frame to process and women less? 

Women move on much faster. We all need to take some time to recover but statistically speaking, women heal better and differently. And they still look for ways to build their nest.

Men need time. A loooonng time, healing, and of course, they do so much overthinking. 

As strong as they are, they are the metamorphosis of a scared bunny in the body of a roaring lion. All you can see on the outside is strong male energy, masculinity, strength, but as you go deeper, you will be surprised to discover that they are scared, overwhelmed, and panicked.

I don’t know if it is right to say they are weaker. I know some might feel offended, and this is not my intention. I am with you and I am just analyzing facts and looking for answers. Well, I have some answers already, but I am just digging a little deeper. 

The truth is that men and women come from very different planets when it comes to many things. And healing after a toxic relationship is one of them.

By the way, I don’t support crazy women that fuck guys up. The jealous, insecure ones. Or the cheaters. Because they tear them apart, and when they find someone genuine and good, they can’t move on. They need more time. More understanding. More … everything. 


In A Nutshell


WOMEN
We need time as well to grief. We lose trust and are more careful when we meet the next person. But women dare to throw themselves out there, give their faith again, and give it another chance.

There is always a risk of getting burned in our world, and relationships and marriage are a lottery. There is no rule, no promise. No guarantee.

And yes, we also can come up with this line that I utterly hate. It’s not you. It’s me.

MEN
They need at least triple the time that we need. They need more care, assurance, guarantees, and even so, they might easily back off if they meet someone else.
When they are done , these men are usually split into two categories: 

  1. The ones who have the guts to say it at a very early stage can’t do it and say it in your face, and I totally respect that. 
  2. And the cowards that just run away without any explanation because “you can figure it out by yourself.” Obviously, I have zero appreciation for the last ones. 

WHAT IS THE SOLUTION, AND HOW TO DEAL WITH EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MEN?


MOVE ON 

Once it’s done, it’s pretty much done. Most of the time, a man might get back to you. Personally, I might give it another chance. But it’s very risky as if he was not sure once, how do I know he is sure after. And playing the ping-pong game is not an option. 

LET IT GO 

Don’t ask for too much. You have the right to ask for an explanation because you need to understand why.

Otherwise, just let it go. The worst thing is to start begging and clinging to him like he is your last hope in life. Have some dignity, and besides that, why would you insist on someone that clearly doesn’t want you.


NO FRIENDSHIP

I am sorry, but there is no room for friendship most of the time. Someone told me, let’s stay friends. Friends and what do you do? Meet for coffee? Bring other “people” with us when we go out? I mean, it’s not impossible, but it is not a good idea most of the time. 
I mean, I talk to some of my exes, and that’s ok, but obviously, the reason we broke up was not that they were emotionally unavailable.

Moral of the Story – It’s not you. It’s me – can mean nothing or can mean everything. When you have to deal with this, just let it go. It’s good to try to talk to understand what is going on because it will help you assess the situation better, and there might be a lesson for you to learn.

But when there is no place to talk, forget it. It’s not for you. And never ever think there’s something wrong with you. Especially when you are at peace with yourself and know you did things the right way.

It’s not you. It’s me… just another lame excuse.

Right?

My First Tinder Date Was Great But This Is Why I Will Not Do It Again

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My First Tinder Date Was Great But This Is Why I Will Not Do It Again

Online dating at its “best”

February 13, 2022

I downloaded the Tinder App on my phone in 2013 or 2014 when I lived in Berlin, Germany. Never went out with anyone. When I moved in #mydubai in July 2015, I finally had my first Tinder date, which turned out great. Reading below, you will see why I will actually not do it again. 

Let’s Go Deeper Into The Story To Understand What Happened, How I Feel Right Now, And What Is My Advice. 

If I was not traveling for work in Germany, I was bored. The people around me were super friendly, but the lifestyle was so not my thing. So 1-2 years before leaving Berlin, I decided to give Tinder a try.

I got to talk to a couple of guys but never actually dated anyone. The language was not a barrier in this case but what I mainly got from most men was Come to my place tonight and let’s have some wine.

To be very frank, it scared the shit out of me as my paranoid mind though If I go to any guy’s place, a someone that I have no idea about, maybe he is there with 20 other guys, and instead of having a pleasant conversation over a glass of wine, it will all end up with a nice rape. And who’s fault is that? The girl who came in late in the evening to a stranger’s apartment … 

Of course, anything wrong can happen after any random date, but jumping into a stranger’s apartment and right after in his bed was a risk I would not take – out of the question.

So all this was a major red flag; therefore, it never happened. Well, as I am narrating in Thank You Berlin, the dating scene in Germany, in general, is pretty disastrous, or at least for me, the experience was not very successful anyway. 

Once I moved to Dubai, things seemed to be very different. As soon as I was here, it was not difficult to go out with men, date, and have fun. Initially, I saw someone for a few months that turned out to be a big waste of time. So 3 months after moving to the sandpit, I found myself on Tinder again, looking for some new dating opportunities.

And here we go. After a few other psychopaths inviting me to their house for wine in the middle of the night, I started chatting with a Jordanian guy that seemed to be really ok and polite. The conversation was interesting and engaging at the same time. 

Eventually, he asks me out, comes to pick me up, and takes me to … Iris. I thought the idea was very original, especially since I was very new in Dubai and wasn’t there yet. Iris goes to Iris 😀

Long story short, we were dating for about 3 months. The guy took me out to incredible places, introduced me to his group of friends, courted me, and picked me up whenever needed. We had a great time together. Eventually, we stopped talking as we wanted different things.

My point is that it turned out that – at least at that time – on Tinder, you can still find educated, mannered, and cool attractive men eligible to date.

I have also heard about examples of people who met on Tinder and lived happily ever after. One of them being one of my best friends. In 2020 while the dating scene was more challenging due to all those horrible Covid restrictions, she met this guy that is heaven. They are still together after almost 2 years, and as I see it, they will grow old together.

But these are exceptions. Rare exceptions.

WHY I WILL NOT DO IT AGAIN 

Like everything that turned digital in this century, there are always benefits, and in this case, it’s the fact that online dating apps make our life easier. I don’t have to dress up and all and go with the girls at a lounge, bar, or club and eventually not find anything. 

Or maybe I work in an environment where I don’t meet any men (for example).

But the issue is that as long as we can swipe right and left so fast from the comfort of our couch while we are shopping for a date, we expect that everything else will be easy. And this is where the tragedy comes. 

Women became easy, their standards are low, and men are careless assholes. 

This “comfort” came as a package lacking quality, essence, and plenty of superficialities, insecurity, and fakeness. 

This is why I will never do it again. 

By the way, the most ironic part is that our grandparents didn’t have access to the technology we have today, and they managed to find each other and live in a couple until death set them apart, for better and for worse.

On the flip side, our generation has so many options, and we meet so many people (online and physical), and we are shitting our pants in front of the words commitment  and we lack entirely manners.

Everything we want is fast: fast dates, fast-talks, fast sex. This is so downgrading and worse – we are downgrading ourselves. 

Isn’t it heartbreaking? 

So should we give online dating a try? Don’t expect me to say no because you are so wrong. Yes, we should all give it a try. If you don’t test the waters, you don’t know. I tried a few times, and it is definitely not for me.

If you test it, you will understand how the online dating scene operates. Plus, there is that 0,00000001% chance to meet the right one 😀 And there are a few other chances to meet some decent guys like I met the Jordanian one.

My Advice For You If You Are Using The Dating Apps

  1. Use them less. Don’t forget about the traditional way people used to (Thank God still do!) meet during a night out, at work, or through mutual connections such as family or friends.
  2. If on Tinder or any other dating app and all you meet is douchebags or gold-diggers (it’s not easy for the guys either), don’t compromise, not even if your hormones are screaming. Set boundaries and raise your standards.
  3. Be careful. I don’t know why I always had high doubts about the quality of people being on dating apps. Yeah, I am one of them, well, WAS but fair enough. However, I am a woman, and I feel more exposed to meeting dudes that I have never seen in my life. I didn’t meet them in person before or were not introduced by people I know. 
  4. Stay active in the real world too. Leave the couch and go out. Perhaps join a community. There are so many in Dubai and in this whole wide world. My recommendations are salsa, CrossFit, horse riding, tango, and tennis. But of course, the list is endless. 

What was your first Tinder or online date? What are your thoughts about online dating?