Best Talk In Town

Iris Chelarescu

Communication Is The Key To A Healthy Relationship

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Communication Is The Key To A Healthy Relationship

How to improve it

January 26, 2022

I was always extroverted and open to communicating whatever I felt like I wanted to. Having this type of personality made things easier for me. I achieved more goals and built easier, meaningful connections. Generally speaking, I find communication vital with family members, friends, or work colleagues. But because the title of this post is called communication is the key to a healthy relationship, I would like to focus more on how we communicate with our life partners. Both men and women 😉 Often, we think physical love, passion, and emotions are all we need to have a healthy partnership and feel complete. What a terrible mistake. 

Throughout the years and dating different guys, I realized more and more that Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. 

First of all, Communication should come from both sides, and second, you need to discuss every aspect of the relationship.

To be very clear when I say talk, this is not just about misunderstandings or when shit hits the fan.

Even when something makes you very happy, or you like it, you should say it. And mention why. It makes the other person feel better and will have the chance to get to know you more and your person.

I’m saying in the first paragraph I am an extrovert, but as open as I am to talk at any time. There were moments when I didn’t know I should say something, open a subject, what to say and when to speak. Or how to approach a specific topic.

The issue is that when we don’t communicate properly, there is so much crap that can come out later on. And this, later on, can be too late. 

Both genders are equally guilty. We think that we women only because we like to talk more, we have an advantage, and perhaps we are not responsible for the miscommunication in a couple. Have you thought you may not send the right message or choose the wrong timing for a sensitive topic? Not to mention that so many times, we just let the guys assume … 

On the other hand, men are not any better. They don’t talk, and they can’t read between the lines. They have not the slightest clue.

If we don’t say anything or just give hints and we wait, assuming that he got it, and if he doesn’t do what we expect, we will end up getting upset.

When he has no freaking clue what is wrong. 

I believe that on this matter, the ball is pretty much in our court, ladies. Because of the way we are built, we have the power to manipulate (in a good way) the flow of Communication in our relationships.

This does not excuse men not to give their best try either. 

The more I thought about this subject in the past few years, and the more I experienced it, I realized that one of our significant mistakes is not communicating with our partners. Instead, we assume and expect him to “get it.”

He will not. And if he doesn’t take action, we get upset and take it personally.

We all know by now that men are different from women. They are not easily comfortable opening sensitive subjects, dissecting a topic, and talking until 7 am in the morning. Well – the vast majority, Some are – I had the “honor” to date a few, lol. But these men use Communication as a destructive tool that, in fact, does not help the relationship grow and improve.

Overall, something is evident here. If we don’t open our mouths to communicate properly with our partners, we are not straightforward in saying what we need, what we expect, and what makes us happy. If we don’t share what is bothering us, ask, we can end up in unpleasant situations and face misunderstandings. 

Why Having Communication Skills Is So Essential In A Relationship.

GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER
By talking, we are building a bridge.  
How well do you know the other person when you are dating someone? You don’t. Having dates and doing things together it’s great but not enough. 

There will come a time after many years when you guys will know each other so well that only one look will be enough to get to know it. But this takes time. And even so, Communication never stops as a partnership is a continuous work in progress. 

AVOID MISUNDERSTANDING
We tend to write so much these days, especially through text messages. It’s better than nothing, but just pick up the phone and call when something needs to be discussed or clarified. Or meet. 

We think through a short text and stupid emojis, we got it all fixes. I hate it, and it’s so wrong. 

How You Can Improve 

KILL YOUR FEARS 
Ego is driven by fear. Many times. Fear of rejection, fear of being misunderstood. Nobody wants to get hurt, and nobody wants to be rejected. It makes me feel small and insecure. If you care about yourself and the other person, go for it, you have nothing to lose. 

CALL & MEET
It is ok and decent to text and voice notes, but guys, call, and mainly In-person meetings will be the supreme way of connecting with someone. Sure we are glued to our phones, and we can text, voice note, and call at any time. But as much as we can, let’s meet more in person and look into each other’s eyes. 

Instead of texting all the time, just pick up the phone and dial that number. 

Let me put it more harshly as reading this article, I realized that I am sugar-coating the situation. IF there is no talking (for whatever reason), it will NOT work out! Nothing 🙂

Simply leave your fears behind, open your mouth and say what you have to say.

The secret sauce to a healthy relationship is Communication. Of course, many other ingredients run the engines of a partnership, but Communication is a key aspect. Without talking, we leave room for so much misunderstanding and assumptions. 

Your partner needs to know what kind of food you like, when they say something that hurts you, what you like or dislikes in bed, what are your culinary preferences if anything is bothering you, and so on, 

I am not saying that Communication can save a relationship if it is doomed to end, but it can surely lift it and solve so much. 

My Golden Advice 
Never let something bother you or make you confused about something not clarified. Just open the subject.

Don’t over-talk either. Talk as it is necessary and move on.

Moving on afterward is also part of the solution.
Communicate – Understand Each Other – Find Solutions – Move On 

Were you ever in a situation where proper Communication could have saved your relationships?
What would you do differently now?

The Real Power Of A Vision Board

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The Real Power Of A Vision Board

A Daily Visual Reminder Of Your Goals And Dreams.

January 21, 2022

They say a picture is worth a thousand words and is nothing farther from the truth.
Vision boards are a powerful tool that will support you in achieving your goals and dreams in a fun, creative way.
I remember my first try a few years ago, and I have never stopped since then.The idea behind it is that images will strengthen and stimulate your emotions because our mind responds better to visual stimulation rather than just having a list.
In other words, creating a vision board, it’s just another way of illustrating your dreams visually.
You Have Two Easy Options To Create An Empowering Vision Board

  1. Physical
  2. Digital

Initially, I started with the classic version, but I switched pretty fast to a digital one. The issue with the physical one is that no matter where you place it in your house, someone will eventually see it. I don’t know about you, but this display of images is very personal and intimate for me. Sure, I can talk about my dreams and wishes with my friends and family, but I want to keep some things just for myself.
4 Easy Steps To Create A Vision Board
1. Decide which areas of your life you would like to cover – love, career, finance, travel, lifestyle, home, family, etc

2. Use affirmations, inspirational quotes, happy emojis.

3. Find pictures representing or symbolizing the above areas and the experiences you want to create.

4. Definitely include a picture of yourself (the one you like a lot) and place it in the middle of the board. If you’re single, put a picture of an attractive man right next to you. I have … Jason Momoa 😀 😀 😀

Tools You Need To Finalize Your Board.

PHYSICAL BOARD ‘

  • Collect a bundle of magazines and newspapers for your visuals 
  • A foam board or A3 paper
  • Scissors
  • Glue or tape
  • Sharpie

DIGITAL BOARD

  • Google or any other platforms that offer free photos (Unsplash, FreePick, Canva, etc.)
  • I used to do it in Photoshop, but now I use XD. XD is also an Adobe product, and you can download it and use it for free. It is super easy to use. You don’t need any special training. Just check one of the tutorials on YouTube.
The Rule Is That There Is No Rule.

If you feel like you have too many pictures, don’t think it might be too much. Nothing is too much when it comes to your wishes and the goals you want to achieve to enrich your life. Just be creative and put everything you want to attract.

I will give you a few examples:

Since primary school, I have wanted to have my nose done, and it never happened until 9 months ago. And guess what. One year before the surgery, I put an image on the board thinking, eh, I might do it, maybe it will happen but I was not that keen. And it happened less than a year later.

I had a picture of a wide beach, and I went to Zanzibar. Beaches there are precisely the same as I had on my vision board.

One of the images is of a girl smiling with perfect teeth. Shortly after I placed that image there, I went for Invisalign. Ok, my teeth are not that perfect but much better than before.

Some images are related to teamwork, and luckily things work great in our company, and we are a solid group.

And the list can go on.

About two years ago, I had a separate vision board for each area that I wanted to cover, and it was a bit much for me. So nowadays, I keep it simple, and I limit myself to one that covers all I want to achieve and improve.

Every few months after some of my wishes become a reality, I update my vision board with new images that represent other goals I want to achieve. Basically, you always move to the next.

Put Some Positive Energy Into Your Board.

Another essential aspect is If you think you made your collage and you will take a look once in a while, and this is it, well will not do the job.

You have to put the right energy into it.

My personal formula is: Before going to sleep, I like to look at the vision board for a few minutes. Right after I go into the visualizing exercise, I learned during my therapy sessions, and it all takes about 20-30 minutes.

Unfortunately, I don’t practice this ritual every evening because I’m a lazy human, and often after a full day I am already drained. But I try to do it every time I can.

The vision board technique is a powerful tool to manifest your dreams and wishes. What I noticed is that many of the things I have on my board become true sooner or later, in some shape or another.

So I encourage you to give it a try and be consistent in looking at it and putting positive energy.

Have you done your board yet for 2022?

Long Distance Relationships Are A Big Massive BS

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Long Distance Relationships Are A Big Massive BS

There is nothing but an empty zone

January 19, 2022

There Is Nothing But An Empty Zone When Miles Away Set You Apart.

The modern digital era makes things easy, fast, and possible. We are #blessed with instant communication and so many accessible tools to make it happen. 

Nevertheless, I firmly believe that long-distance relationships are a massive BS. Especially the ones that last… “forever.” 

A long-distance relationship can only make things more challenging. 

It can work. But not for long. If it keeps going like this, where is the finish line? Who wants to live their lives away from their partner and always be separated by a screen? And you don’t need to be separated by two continents. If you are in Abu Dhabi and I am living in Dubai, this is already a long one. 

I was involved twice in this kind of arrangement. And it was fine at that time as I was younger, and it was something new to experience. One of those guys even proposed, but all we had was 2 years of being mostly away from one another, lots of fights, and not enough real time spent together. So it didn’t work out at all. 

Overall they were good and interesting experiments, even though none had a happy ending. I would not do it anymore, not by any chance. I want to have someone close to me. Feel, touch, and interact with him anytime.

The trick with a long-distance is that it can only work for a max of 2 years, in my opinion. Maybe less. If one of the sides doesn’t make a move in those two years, what is its point?

I have a few close friends who started long-distance commitments, but they moved in together in less than two years, and things are working very well for them. So starting your couple life like this is an option, but keep in mind that one of you needs to take action sooner rather than later. Literally, a move where the other one lives. Or perhaps move together somewhere else. 

It looks ok if you read the above; there is hope that things might work, blah blah.

And things could work. However, there is a dark, ugly side to these commitments, which is why I strongly believe they are a massive huge BS.

Most partners will not stay faithful. Both men and women cheat. Probably due to their nature, men will do it more. And I am not saying this in a bad way. But the reality is that men are most likely to take their pants off. Sorry guys.

Either way, it’s messed up.

Just think about it. Some couples see each other every weekend or perhaps once a month and look doable. Still, a problem if you ask me, but I’ll try to show some sympathy here. 

If the frequency is a few times a year, well, I got news for you. Someone is not keeping their clothes on. Nope. 


I Want To Relate The Story One Of My Best Friends Went Through Last Year. 

And stories like hers, there are millions. 

Carmen is a cabin crew for one of the biggest airline companies in the UAE. In 2017 on Valentine’s Day, she meets this South African guy on a flight from Paris to Abu Dhabi.

They start talking, exchanging numbers, and connecting on social media. He started chasing her and flirting with her. 

He had a girlfriend, and my friend knew, so she wanted to stay away from trouble.

The whole arrangement was so messed up from my point of view. He was living in South Africa and his girlfriend in Germany. And they were seeing each other 2 times a year. Like … wtf!

Anyway, Carmen and this guy kept talking once in a while. Two years later, she had a flight to Capetown, and accidentally he is again a passenger.

Once landing in the South African capital, he insists on having dinner with her. Eventually, she says yes. It is worth mentioning here that the woman that was a girlfriend two years before was upgraded to the fiancee level in the meantime 😀 

Unfortunately, this was the beginning of a doomed romance. They get involved in a four-month affair where he debates who to choose. Of course, in the meantime, my friend falls (what can I say – I told her not to – but we are made of feelings and emotions) for him, which only makes things more difficult. 

So the dude is having a hard time choosing between his fiancee living 5000 miles away from him and my friend who is cheating on with.

Let me make a point here. I think my friend is also guilty, and I told her she is making a mistake. But the asshole gave her hope and treated her like a girlfriend. So what can I say here because it’s so easy to judge from aside …
Eventually, Carmen gave him an ultimatum, and he chose his future wife. Should I mention that Carmen was torn and broke her heart into pieces? Ok, Let’s not talk about this part … 

Moral Of The Story And Of This Article ➝

  1. If single, stay away as much as you can from these situations. Don’t get involved, don’t even have sex or dinner. You will get burned.
  2. If you are in a long-distance relationship and want something serious with that person, make a move and put some serious work on you guys being together (physically).
  3. If you are in a long-distance relationship and you don’t know what you want or are unsure where this is heading, let the other person go. Be honest. I beg you. 

I know so many stories like what I shared in this blog post. People living away from each other label their relationships as long-distance, but hey, it’s tough so let’s have some fun! No, no, no! 

However, on the flip side, I also think that if you happen to land in such a commitment, it is not that bad as there is a chance (very small though) that things might work, + it will give you experience and a story to tell. 


Also, Only By Trying Things We Understand What We Like And What We Don’t

And What Is Beneficial For Us ➝

  1. You will get to test all your limits. 
  2. Test the level of your patience, endurance, tolerance, and trust.
  3. Be ok not to have sex regularly – and see how you feel about it. 
  4. Strengthen your communication skills, at least on a digital level
  5. Get ready to spend significant holidays or celebrations without him. Usually, you plan to see each other around those dates. But most times, things might not work due to many factors that will be against you.

And in general, to answer a question that many people have in mind:

How to make your long-distance relationship work? You move, and you work on your short-distance relationships 😀

Have you ever been in a long-distance commitment? Have you ever been on the other side?

How To Achieve Your New Year Resolutions

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How To Achieve Your New Year Resolutions

2022 – A Fresh New Start.

January 14, 2022

Isn’t that what we think about at the end of every year? What is on the list for our new year resolutions?
Because a new year it’s a fresh new start, a new beginning, and another opportunity for us to go clean. What we didn’t achieve in the year ended, we feel like there is another chance for the coming 365 days. There is nothing far from the truth. It’s wise to be organized and have hope. But more important is to have a plan to achieve those goals. And stick to it as much as possible.Despite the best intentions, once the glow of a fresh new year wears off, many people struggle to make good on their plans. According to a study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, only 46% of people who made New Year’s resolutions were successful. That means over half of the people who set a goal for the new year will fail!
Why Do We Fail?
No Proper Planning
We Get Caught Up With Other Stuff And Get Lost On The Way
Laziness And Hoping That Things Will Happen Anyway
No Patience
We Get Easily Demotivated
How To Structure Your New Year’s Resolutions
PLAN

Make a list of what you want to achieve or improve, and don’t be afraid to dream big.

Many articles that I read suggest focusing on 3-4 key goals. It works. But it might be a bit frustrating as you would feel limited. And we all have different goals and motivations. Plus, a lot of things might change on the way. My advice is to put everything you want to achieve on the list and divide them into major and minor goals. Below is my personal list, and as you can see, there are 11 action points. Will I achieve them all? I don’t know, but for sure, I’ll try.

GIVE YOUR PLAN A STRUCTURE

Writing a list is a good beginning but perhaps not enough just to look at it once in a while.

The way that you structure your plan is entirely up to you. Think about a way that will work with your system and incorporate it.

For example, I love using multi-colored post-its and different ones for each month, making things organized and fun.

THE POWER OF HABIT
When setting resolutions, you are much more likely to succeed if they become part of your daily routine. This way, they become regular habits, and we all know how hard habits are to break.

SET DEADLINES
If you give yourself 365 days to accomplish a goal, it will take you 365 days. But If your deadline is 30 days, you will only need 30 days.

Okay, don’t kill yourself here, but I’m saying that some things can be achieved faster and easier than you think if you put the proper focus and commitment into them.

REVISE AND ADJUST

I have wanted to write a blog for many, many years. However, last December, it was not on my mind. So starting this new chapter was totally out of my list because this was thought deeply buried in my mind.

However, a few months later in the year, I started working and putting effort into it … out of the blue.

My point is that life happens while we make other plans, which is so true. So start with a checklist, try to stick to it, and adjust on the way.

MEASURE

Once in a while, check your improvements and accomplishments. When you see that things are going in the right direction, the feeling is sweet and rewarding. Or even you are halfway to where you should be, it’s okay. No one is chasing you. Keep going.

REWARD YOURSELF

Speaking of rewards, give yourself a little bonus at least once in a while. Life should also be lived and enjoyed. If you are on a diet, just go for that juicy burger or indulge with a nice piece of cheesecake. You deserve it for your hard work and perseverance.

For example, as strict as I am with certain things, I am totally lazy with others, and I quickly find excuses. I know this comes from a person that did disruptive stuff in her life.

VISION BOARD

Create a vision board to support your resolutions. I have been creating different ones for a few years now and adjusting them every few months based on my expectations and what is happening on the way.

The vision board is a fun and powerful tool, and the article about it is coming up next week.

PATIENCE

You can’t build a house in 1 day but brick by brink, step-by-step. The same goes for your goals. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and don’t quit because of a few mistakes or because u were away from the plan for a few weeks.

KEEP GOING

Stick to your plans and what matters to you, and don’t let anything stay in your way.

The above is a personal interpretation, but of course, you can use anytime the classic SMART system:

  • Specific (simple, sensible, significant).
  • Measurable (meaningful, motivating).
  • Achievable (agreed, attainable).
  • Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based).
  • Time-bound (time-based, time-limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive


My New Personal New Year Resolutions
Major
Build This Blog And Learn To Be A Better Writer And A Marketer
Travel To At Least One New Country
Keep My Healthy Lifestyle: Workout More, Eat Cleaner, Less Occasional Smoking.
Increase My Income
Change My Apartment Into A Better One
Meet Mr. Right
Stop My Addiction

Minor
Read More Books
Dance More Salsa
Meditate And Visualize
Control More My Impulsivity
What I Genuinely Wish For You

  • Spend some quality time with your beautiful self at least once in a while. Being away from the “daily” noise is such a blessing.
  • Spend more time away from your phone and even try some social media detox
  • Go out, be social and build new friendships.
  • As busy your life is, allocate more time for self-care
  • Connect more with the nature
  • Say No when things are not in your favor.
  • Practice global awareness.Use less paper and electricity and please recycle
  • Go to church. Connect with the divine and with your spiritual side
  • Think more positively. Everyone has issues. But there is always a bright side, so focus more on that.
  • Step outside of your comfort zone, fight your fears and go grab what you want.

To conclude, some of you might say the new year’s resolution comes with so much stress and pressure. Most people I know don’t even have a plan, and it is literally okay. You can still achieve many things without lists and multi-colored post-its (lol).

But it does not hurt at all to build a little structure and planning in your daily routines.

Good luck!

What are your 2022 resolutions?

Therapy – One Of The Best Things I Tried

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Therapy – One Of The Best Things I Tried

Best Money Ever Spent.

January 7, 2022

As open-minded as I am, I used to be very judgemental about certain things when I was younger. Going to therapy was one of them. When I look back, I regret that I was an idiot and what I said. And the way I thought about the people that went through it.In my mind, I thought they were weak, crazy, and pathetic. Losers. I am deeply sorry for having feeling like this. But this is who I was at that time.

Giving therapy a try was actually the best way I spent my money when I was almost broke and had an uncertain future in front of my eyes.

For almost 2 and a half years, I was losing jobs and was mainly freelancing, so I had to reduce my expenses to a minimum. It was brutal. I almost didn’t spend on travel and clothing, limiting my outings. But I invested in my therapy sessions as I knew I had to get out of that mess mentally sane. And I did.

Therapy is not entirely for people with mental issues, and there should be no shame in having your own psychotherapist to guide you. In fact, now I firmly believe it’s healthy.

In 2017 I had to be proven how wrong I was and how maybe I should keep my mouth shut about things I didn’t experience before. In January that year, I was told that the event agency I was working in would close its doors by the end of April. At the same time, I was dating a guy that turned out to be a liar and a cheater and eventually moved away when he promised our relationship would work.

That was the last year I stopped sharing accommodation with someone. The girl I was living with, even though she was part of our friend’s group and I treated her really well, turned out to be a snake doing many nasty things behind my back.

All the above happened in the first few months of 2017.

So there I was: lost, depressed, vulnerable, and very uncertain about the coming future.

I had savings to cover my expenses by the end of the year and live decently without a job. But of course, the pressure was high.

Quite a lot on my plate to digest. That was the first time I said to myself, I need professional help. I didn’t have resources anymore, and my friends were wonderful and supportive. But friends are always subjective, and I know I need to talk to someone that does not know me. Someone who is not a friend can give me a different kind of advice and support.

8 Reasons It Is Worth Spending Your Money On Therapy

The Therapy Sessions I Bought Were Truly The Best Investments I Have Ever Made In Myself For The Following Reasons:

  1. I understood better how the human mind works.
  2. Moreover, I understood myself in ways that I didn’t know were possible. 
  3. It brought me awareness. I realized things I already knew, but they were so deeply buried in the subconscious mind. I managed to take those things out to the surface, and I was like, wow. It all made so much sense.
  4. I developed skills that I didn’t know about.
  5. I learned how to use powerful techniques to achieve my goals:
  • Visualization
  • Meditation
  • Setting intentions 
  • Handwriting exercises 
  1. It calmed me down. I did most of my sessions because I felt agitated and scared. After each hour spent with my therapist, I had answers to my questions, relief to my concerns, and, more importantly – hope for the future.
  2. It refined and re-shaped me. I am a better person, and I am more at peace with myself and my surroundings.
  3. It made me realize that I am the only one in control. Just me, nobody else. And that I can only manipulate my reactions to the outer world and stop trying to control what is happening around me.
The Magic Formula

Therapy means both theory and practice, and one can’t go without another if you want to see results. Just like when you go to school. You will learn a bunch of things in class and after you have homework that will improve your knowledge.

Your physical sessions with your coach will be the training you have in class, and the exercises you will do on your own time will be your practice – your homework.

If you think you will just take a few sessions and this is it. I am afraid I have bad news for you. You will waste your money, energy, and time, and you will not see the results you expect. You will think it was useless. And it will be useless.

How To Make Sure You Spend Your Money With The Right Therapist

Finding the right therapist, it’s a sensitive matter and often can be a challenge.

We think they should be skilled and good, but not everyone is passionate about what they do.

And this is all I was looking for as a trade for my money – professional ADVICE.

Below Are A Few Things You Should Consider Before And After Starting Your First Session:

Recommendation

The two of you will build a connection based on trust and communication.

In my opinion, it is better and safer to be recommended. So far, I have only had my sessions with two different ones, and both were recommended, and I can say I won the lottery. I even suggested Laura to most of my girlfriends, and they were so happy they endorsed her as well.

Language & Communication

It might be better to speak your own language and come from the same culture. My sessions were with Laura from Romania in my native language, and later on, I also had a few with Darren here in Dubai.

Listen And Talk

The session should be more or less 50% – 50% talking and listening hence balanced. They should let you tell your story and talk about the issues bothering you. On the other hand, you should also listen to what they teach you. If one part talks too much, there is a problem.

Pricing

If you are in Dubai, a 1 h session can go up to 200 USD, which is not cheap at all. Darren was the only one I tried here, and he is the husband of one of my best friends. Before my session with him, I knew he was right to try it as I read his book Journey Back to Self, and I had some conversations with him.

On the other hand, someone from your country will be cheaper as you will pay in your currency and easily do it online.

Frequency

It’s not a must to have a session per week for the rest of your life, but there should be some sort of consistency, at least until you figure things out.

Go for one session to test the waters, and if you are happy, I suggest that further on to buy in bulk, three-five.

I bought five sessions initially, and I had one every second week. After a few months, I used to buy a session here and there when I felt I needed it. Lately, I have been doing much less.

Trust

The two of you will build a relationship, and the most important thing is that you are comfortable sharing very intimate and personal aspects of your life. Hence make sure you guys are totally on the same page and are on a good communication level.

Say No

If you are not comfortable or feel like there is no value-added, there is no reason to continue and look for someone else you will resonate with.
Online Therapy Advantages And Disadvantage
Out of all the sessions that I did, only two were in-person and the rest via Zoom.

I definitely prefer the non-virtual ones, but I have to admit the ones on Zoom and Skype went really well and were very productive. I didn’t have a choice because my first coach was miles away.
Advantages 

  1. You can do it from anywhere.
  2. The quality of the session is the same as if you were doing it in-person 
  3. Costs are less as all you need is wi-fi connections, and you’ll pay for the session.
  4. Time effective as you will not have to be stuck in traffic and run from one side of the city to another 

Disadvantage

  1. For me, online will never be the same as in-person. I definitely highly appreciate the above benefits but what is in-person stays in-person.
  2. You can’t do hypnosis. 
  3. Sometimes, without interacting face-to-face, therapists miss out on body language and other cues.
  4. There can be tech issues. Dropped calls, frozen videos, and trouble accessing chats aren’t conducive to treatment.

Closing Note

  1. Never ever think that your issues can be swept under the rug, and things will go on anyway and eventually will be ok. Repressed emotions will come to haunt you later on If you feel you need professional help go for it and don’t care what other people might say or how much money you will have to spend. In fact, don’t even share this with anyone if it makes you feel uncomfortable or vulnerable. In the end, how you manage your life is entirely your business. 

What was your therapy experience?

We Are Too Comfortable

by

We Are Too Comfortable

Being so accessible will not bring us any serious relationship.

January 5, 2022

From the chapter “what we do wrong”, being too comfortable comes from the need of being loved, desired, wanted, and getting the attention we are all looking for.

Also, misunderstanding the intentions of a not-so-serious guy. So I have a lot of sympathy for us women doing this. However, it is the wrong way of being if you want things to be serious with a man.

When interested in a guy, many of us become very accessible and forget who we truly are and what we stand for. It’s an easy trap. We meet a guy, we like him, start dating, become intimate, and boom. Sometimes, we don’t even really date and jump over this step which only makes things worse.

It also took me a long time to realize I was making this mistake as I was doing it by default with certain guys. If I think about it now, it was mainly the bad boys that we all like so much. In my brain, I was thinking that I also have my advantages and that I am not just being used, but I am using as well and that eventually, things will turn the way that I envision. Wrong.

I was not the one pulling the strings; it was them, and I was accepting it.

Things That We Do That Make Us (Very) Comfortable For Them:

  1. Being there all the time
  2. Meet or talk when it’s convenient for him
  3. Accept his late-night booty calls
  4. Being available for his reschedules
  5. Accept if they cancel anything that was already planned
  6. Being always there to chat and of course, reply fast
  7. Become exclusive when he is actually not
  8. Cancel other plans when he texts.

I used to be all the above.

Deep down, we hope that by doing what I was talking about, we will eventually receive more, and things will get in the right direction. They don’t … rarely, but most of the time not.

When We Find Ourselves In Such Situations, There Are Only Two Ways.

  1. Either we level up, and obviously, 99% of them will disappear, or 1% will take action. I wouldn’t count much on that 1% either.
  2. We keep going, and it will be a never-ending story with whining and complaints.

Did you notice that being comfortable for them comes with a high dose of frustration? … for us. Because being too available and at his disposal, anytime will only allow him to set the rules.

And what does that make us? Puppets that are glued to our phone, hoping and praying that he will give us some attention.

And I don’t even blame the guys. If they give us little and this is what we tolerate, this is what we will get.

We think we are in control and that things are also the way we want because we feel like we use them. Being in control actually means standing up and raising your standards.

Doing as he pleases when he pleases means giving up our control.

I also understand why we are doing this and why we are accepting so little. First of all, we underestimate ourselves.

Second, because we think he is what we are looking for: he is handsome, great in bed, we like talking to him, he makes us feel safe, he occasionally cooks for us, etc. And by being comfortable and accommodating, we think things will eventually work out.

Plus, his excuses become ours. If he is too busy, we think, “poor him, he works so much”. If he is too tired, “he has too many commitments”. If he is unavailable, “he is so stressed” If he is upset “he has so much on his plate”’ Excuses, excuses excuses. 

Well, we are far from wise. And I was not better.

But to be appreciated and respected, we must raise our standards.

Too comfortable, too convenient, too accessible, and too available means no long-term future with someone.

So do you feel frustrated? Have you been doing this for a long time, are you fed up but don’t know where to start?

Here Is My Advice, Something That I Kept Repeating To Myself As Well:

  1. Take a good look in the mirror and realize how fabulous you are in and out. Think of the woman that you are and think how much more you deserve.
  2. Talk to him. I believe in communication. Even if it sometimes doesn’t solve anything, you will feel much better after. Tell him how you feel, and it will be interesting as you will also see his reactions. You might be surprised he might have something that you didn’t expect to say. Note: I don’t recommend jumping on with complaints or requests as nobody likes a needy woman but just have an honest, relaxed conversation with him over a glass of wine.
  3. Generally speaking, Stop doing this. Learn your lesson. Move on. Don’t repeat the same mistakes again. I know it is hard but give it a try.
  4. Make sure you have a busy life, and you are not hanging on to him. Have a career, meet other people, go out with your friends, pursue your hobbies, travel, go shopping, and buy all the high heels in Dubai Mall … girl, whatever makes you happy 🙂
  5. Remember – There is always someone there “in-store” for you. A certain someone that will respect and cherish you because you will not be too comfortable anymore.

Are you too comfortable?