I Love My Girlfriend And This Is Why I’m Cheating On Her

The best of both worlds

November 8, 2021

I love you guys for so many reasons, but I’m not with you on this one. I can’t. If I had a nickel for the times when I heard women saying that all they meet is committed men who want to have fun outside their relationship, I would be rich.

These men love their girlfriends and wives, and they also respect them. Of course, love and respect have different meanings for them than for us, especially in this context.

So many men think if they are men by nature and good partners, they can have the best of both worlds. They take care of the house, provide for the family and fulfill their duties, and once they are out, the world is their oyster.

Unfortunately, it’s not just the girl’s stories that I hear. I know so many guys personally that do this. Some are acquaintances, and some are friends. Wonderful  – I hope you felt the irony.

The typical scenario. You are a bachelor and wanna settle down. You meet this girl, you start dating, you fall in love. Things get serious. You move in together. She is the chosen one. She’s a keeper. But at the same time, you flirt, date, and sleep with other girls.

When you still have a girlfriend at home. And actually, things go well, and you are even thinking of getting married.

Why are you doing this? Why? Constantly looking in the eyes of the woman you love (allegedly) and lying to her. Cheat on her.

Why don’t you just stay a bachelor? Because society or your parents are pressuring you to tick a box? Because all your friends are married? Because you wanna be a father someday?

Dude, just stay single. It’s fairer than mocking and misleading an innocent human being.

Women cheat as well. But you know what the difference is? I am not saying this to defend women, I am just explaining the psychological facts.

When we cheat, we do it because things are not working anymore. Something is wrong.

You guys do it when things are perfectly in motion, and nothing is dysfunctional. But you have to take your pants off as much as you can. Or, as a friend of mine says, I can’t eat chicken every day. At least he is single but most likely he will be a cheater someday.

By my nature, I am a very forgiving and patient woman. If shit accidentally happens, eh, I might pretend nothing occurred. But if it is more than that, I will show you the door. You are welcome to get the hell out because it means that you do not appreciate our couple life. Therefore you are welcome to go back to your single life where you can screw and score as much as you like. If we are not together anymore, this will not affect me.

Frankly, If I am with a cheater, I would like someone to tell me the truth. I might not believe it in the first place, but it will give me food for thought. And hopefully, I will not waste my time and marry him. I don’t wanna live a lie and a so-called happy married life.

I Want To Tell You A Little Story That Fits The Context. 

I already mentioned a few bits and pieces of it in Thank You Berlin. In 2010 when I moved to Germany, I taught salsa at a dance studio. And I met this guy. He was one of my students. Handsome German guy. Tall, brown hair, green eyes, fit, crazy charming, and sensual. Oh my Lord, that voice … Spoke really good English, and on top of that, he was a cardiologist. I mean, who wouldn’t love to date a heart doctor? 

He kept chasing me for weeks, and I found out he had a girlfriend. She was from the same city but studying abroad at that time. I confronted him, and he admitted. Anyway, he seemed to be so out of that relationship and I was already feeling alone and lost in Berlin. He was so sweet and sexual and so after me. Therefore I fell for it. Sex was out of this world. Probably the best I ever had. Maybe because he was a doctor :))

We were “dating” for about 3 months until he went to see her in Australia, where she was doing a Master’s Degree. He left me with the impression that he would break up with her. He gave me hope … While he was there, we were also communicating once in a while, so things seemed to be ok. When he returned, he told me they were still together and asked me, What, you thought I would leave her? He broke my heart in pieces. Pieces which I collected from the floor for a long year after that.

For obvious reasons we stopped seeing each other. He told me that he would take his girlfriend to the salsa classes I was teaching once she returned. This never happened. Do you know what I did? I was so angry and hurt. I created a fake Facebook account and sent her an anonymous letter in German telling her what her boyfriend was doing while she was away. A few days later, I found out from a common friend that they had a big-ass dramatic fight, and most likely, she will break up with him.

The epilogue of this story is that she forgave him; they got married and had a couple of kids. 

Did it make me feel better? Yes, but my heart was still broken at that time, he didn’t choose me, and I suffered like a dog for almost a year. Did she deserve to know? Yes, she did. After that, it was her choice if she would stay with him or not.

Moral Of The Tale For Women. 

1. Don’t Get Involved With Men That Are Committed. 
2. Even If He Decided To Dump Her And Stay With You, He Could Do The Same To You. Karma Is A Bitch Sometimes.

In my case, he gave me hope. But so many guys will tell you straight from the beginning that they only want to have some fun. Because they are bored, they have a long-distance relationship, or they just can’t be with one woman.

This is still not an excuse. 

Why Do Men Who Love Their Girlfriends Cheat On Them?

VALIDATION 

Look for external validation that makes them feel more masculine and in control. For some men, a woman can mean their entire world, and for many other guys, the whole world means more and more women. The one at home is great but not enough.

VARIETY

Like my friend said, having chicken every day is no fun, and doing the same thing every day is so dull …with the same person … I mean, relationships get stale with time, and the excitement and the passion you had, in the beginning, fade away. But instead of putting so much energy and effort into going out and having fun with other women, why don’t you use the same to revitalize your own marriage or relationship?

TEMPTATION

They can’t resist in front of a beautiful woman. Poor them. They are such weak creatures 

EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE

Family, friends, and society pushed them into a commitment they were not ready to take.

So they try to make the best out of it with the woman they think it’s meant for them. But on the other hand, they can’t wait to get out of that door to living the life they really want to.

ADVENTURE 

Obviously, they get quickly bored at home. Same routine, same woman, same conversations. And, of course, it is easier to get out of the house and look for more excitement and fun times.

THEY ARE MEN 

And men’s nature is to hunt. Continuously, and it’s their right by birth. After hunting, they are entitled to come back home to a cozy environment, a warm bed, and hug an honest person. Because they are men … really??

I was in the same situation with the Psycho. He did the same for almost seven years, and I didn’t think of anything as I was young and innocent and scared of what he might do to me If I dig deeper to figure things out. Years later, after I broke up with him, I realized that this was all he was doing. Flirting and sleeping with other women. And it all made sense. Those long weekends when I was alone, me continuously calling a switched-off phone for days, excuses and lies.

Bottom line, If you are single, both men and women, and there is no one at home you could hurt, you can have all the fun in the world. Do what you want, no regrets. Live to the fullest.

But when someone is waiting for you, someone that gave you her trust, time, and love, do you have the heart to do this? And to look in her eyes after that? Sadly I know the answer. YES. 

Have you ever found out he is cheating on you? What did you do? 

Gentlemen, We Freak Out Too

We also want to take things slow.

October 27, 2021

Gentlemen we freak out too. At least many of us … or most of us.

In most cases, women are the ones who push things and I kinda’ have some sympathy for that as we are more family-oriented and we want to build our safe and secure nest from a young age.

But you will be surprised how often men push the wrong buttons and ask ridiculous questions in the very early stages of dating. Or make long-term plans … without even considering asking you.

Just because they also need to tick some boxes … and fast.

Believe me, it is freaking the hell out of us.

Luckily, it didn’t happen very often to be asked on a third date what my intentions are or how I see the “relationship.” First of all, there was no relationship at that moment. Duh!

However, I have a funny story to share with you. A few years ago, something that happened to me made me run away faster than an Olympic runner.

When I was living in Berlin, I was long-distance dating a very cool awesome guy living in The Hague (The Netherlands). There is quite a lot to talk about this relationship, but now I will only refer to this part. Eventually, he moved to Singapore, and our relationship became more fragile than it already was. We were arguing all the time, but we were still in touch. As soon as he moved away, we didn’t see each other for a long time. Finally, after 8-9 months, I traveled back and forth to Singapore. And seeing him after a long time, I realized something was broken, plus his OCD behavior was driving me nuts. When I went back to Berlin I told him I wanted to break up and he said ok, but I want to see you one more time, and in 30 min he sent me a ticket to Singapore. I was flying the following week.

I got there, and after we reached his apartment (he was living in one of the most expensive buildings in Singapore with an extravagant Marina Bay Sands view) he told me the following:

You know I have been thinking a lot, and I have made some decisions, and I think we should make things work. You will move here, and you don’t have to work. I will give you my credit card, we will get married probably in 6 months and shortly after we will have two kids. A boy and a girl. The boy’s name is Bruce (he was a Bruce Lee fan), and the girl… I don’t even remember.

Instead of deliriously jumping high out of happiness, I was shocked. The week that I stayed there, I tried to cope with the idea and tell myself it was terrific, but shortly after I arrived in Berlin, I realized It was crazy, and I won’t be able to do it. It scared the S*** out of me. Everything was so well planned with dates, activities, and names, and I didn’t even have anything to say about it. Now that I write, I realize he never asked me what I think about it either.

Why He Made Me Freak Out

1. Our relationship was always a long-distance one, and we never spent more than a week together, nor have we ever lived in the same house.
2. Our so-called partnership was broken and never had a regular flow because most of the time, we were physically away from each other, and we were fighting a lot, including when we were together.
3. We didn’t have a solid base, therefore his plan and how he approached it to have a family was meant to fail.

The way he did it, it was so messed up. Instead of me staying, all I wanted was to walk away.

Probably right now, I could have been a Singapore housewife with not many responsibilities, taking care of Bruce, and I forgot the girl’s name and, of course, taking care of him. Imagine that … :))

Nah! Most likely, things wouldn’t have worked out …

If he reads this, I am sorry I don’t want to make it sound bad as he was one of the most intelligent men I have ever been with (note – all men I have been with were super bright), a great guy in so many ways but so infantile in others. Not to mention the complete lack of emotional intelligence, which had a substantial negative impact on our relationship.

Regardless, the above narrative is just a random example and my personal story. I am sure many of us girls have a lot of other more or less similar tales to share.

Surprisingly, because I talk to many women, it looks like it’s not that rare that many guys also rush into relationships and expect us to be excited about it. What are their reasons? Perhaps the more or less the same like ours: being afraid to be alone, it seemed too good to be true, or it felt the right thing to do.

To cement a relationship takes time. Not 300 years, but there should be some steps to abide and be patient. Even now, at 40, if I meet Mr. Right, as awesome as he could be, I would not jump to anything. I will take my time. Yeah, it might be less because now life has got shorter (lol), but I would still take it one after the other to check things out and see if he is what I am looking for.

To conclude, there is no recipe for a happy, healthy relationship to grow into something meaningful.

However, I Believe A Couple Of Fundamental Steps Should Not Be Missed.

1. Dating
2. Traveling together
3. Moving in
4. Getting to know each other’s family and friends
5. Marriage
6. Kids

If you have a similar experience you would like to share, leave a comment below. I would love to read it 

Human Addiction

How to get clean

October 23, 2021

It must be pretty obvious from the subtitle that I won’t be talking about substance abuse but something heavier and deeper – human addiction – the hardest and most painful of all. 

Addiction comes in different forms and shapes. What happened while writing this article is astonishing. In my initial draft, I simply started from the idea of how it must be to be addicted to another human and parallel the Psycho story.

I don’t know what happened on the way, but just writing and letting my ideas flow freely, random unexpected thoughts came into my mind because writing drags things out from the subconscious. 

So while putting these thoughts into my google doc, I realized that I was twice addicted in the last 20 years, not once as I initially thought. 

First time in my early 20s and later on in my late 30s. Each experience was different from the other, but both have the same common denominator – ADDICTION.

I was differently hooked when I was young, and I knew so little than when I was mature and allegedly had my s*** together. 

Both situations have in common the idea of being in control – which, of course, is an illusion- fear of losing, insecurity, hope, some sort of stupid patience, and lack of self-trust. 

But again, as similar as the situations were, the different the context was, not to mention the two drugs – the two men.

The first one was obviously The Psycho. The second one was one of my best friends who, with time, became my friend with benefits.

As mentioned above, when I started this article, I just wanted to talk about human addiction in general and point out some of the things that I have been through and link this to the Psycho story. But once I started writing, an avalanche of thoughts hit my brain, and I was stunned.

Psycho was a bad malicious character who wanted to crush my identity, steal my independence, and try to make me feel small and insignificant. Instead of lifting me up, he always put me down. 

I stayed there because of my lack of experience, fear, and vulnerability.

Only after 6.5 years, I say NO MORE.

My friend with benefits was a good, kind person who always had the best intentions towards me. He gave me a hand when I needed it the most. He always advised me and moved mountains to ensure I was safe, healthy, and happy. He was (and still is) there for me for whatever I needed.

It’s a very long story here, and I won’t reveal much as it is not the moment (yet, at least). But what I can say is that I realized that I also said stop after 6.5 years of friendship and 2.5 years of being in this addictive situation. 

All in 20 years. How interesting is life, right?

What makes these situations different is that in my 20s, I was scared to make a decision or stand for myself. Probably also because of the physical abuse. In my 30s, I was more confident, and I had the freedom to say or do whatever I wanted.

However, I stayed, inhaled, and constantly got high in both circumstances. 

So what is life trying to show me here? Different men, different setups, cultures, situations, and parts of the world, almost 20 years difference time. 

The first one I never want to see in my life. The second one is still my friend and always will be, and I care about him deeply.

If It’s So Wrong, Why Do We Do This?

• Fear of being alone 
• Fear of not getting someone better 
• Fear of saying goodbye and understanding that not everyone is meant to stay in our life 
• Fear of loss 
• Fear of breaking the circle and the routine we got used to 

As you can see, FEAR is the main character here, and by being a victim of it all, we do it to give our power away.

Human addiction is not love. Being over-attached to someone, the fear of losing, not getting what you want, and accepting little, seeking and waiting for validation … but still staying there. This has nothing to do with love. 

I am not experienced much with drugs as I never had an inclination for this, and I don’t care about getting high. I would rather have 3 glasses of wine.

But the vicious circle is pretty much the same: You taste it, and you like it. You want more. And you keep taking. And you repeat this “habit” over and over again. And when it is not available for you when you want, you get irritated, nervous, anxious. Because it’s in your blood, and you have to take your “dose.”

Damn hormones! It’s all about dopamine, oxytocin, and cortisol.

Bottom line: Having the option to say NO is always a choice but … NO! We choose to put it back in your blood. And because addiction is challenging to overcome fast, we do it again and again and again and again, and you wake up one day, and it’s already years.

You get something which it’s not the right thing, but in your mind, you think it’s better than nothing.

 
What Are The Steps To Get Clean From Your Human Addiction 

While addicted, and usually this takes months or even years, we are in denial, and our brain tries to find ways and explanations why it is good to stay there and that everything will be alright. 

However, there comes a moment when seeing no change but the same patterns we start to get tired and frustrated. If you have reached this point, check out the steps below. If you didn’t come to this point and are addicted and still think there is hope, I still invite you to read what is next. It might inspire you and help you understand that you are better than that, and you deserve much more than you are getting at the moment.

STEP 1 
Ask yourself if you are where you want to be. And think about how long are you doing this? Is it worth it? What did it bring you? This is called awareness and awakening. But waking up is not enough as most of the time, we won’t just say, “this is it, I am done.” I was awake for a long time until I was DONE and took action.

STEP 2
Handwriting is a potent tool – that I will keep talking about. It will help you put your thoughts in order and understand better where you stand, what you want, and what is happening in your life. While writing, the subconscious mind will take the thoughts that you didn’t know existed to the surface. Or maybe you did, but they were so buried deep that you couldn’t make them conscious.

Make different lists such as: why am I worthy of real love, what does he bring into my life, what kind of men do I need to attract in my life, etc.

Note: Always keep it positive and say what you want and how amazing you are. Not what you don’t like or how you don’t want to be. Because this is what you will attract.

STEP 3 
Break that vicious circle and stay away from them. I know it hurts, and I know it’s painful. You will feel alone and lost. But this whole pain is for the best. This is how I feel right now. I am not really lost, but I am sad, and I feel emptiness. I got used to his – limited – attention with him being around physically – on his own terms most of the time.

Only this way, by closing a door, injecting pain instead of their presence and those crumbs of attention, you can open a new one and let other opportunities come into your life. 

Don’t be afraid of struggle. It’s temporary and solely a phase that will take you to a better place where you will receive the things you are worthy of. 

Please, when these new opportunities are coming, don’t settle again for less. Make it ALL or NOTHING!

So Go, Girl, and get clean from your Human Addiction!

Can you do it?

Escape Games – A Brilliant Idea For A Date Night

Time to shake up your dating routines

October 20, 2021

Escape games are a brilliant idea for a date night. They have proven to be an excellent activity for team buildings, groups of friends, families, and nevertheless couples.

Whether you guys are recently dating or are in a long-term partnership, letting yourselves transported for 60 minutes into a new world playing an exciting game in real-time it’s a brilliant idea!

It is an exciting way of getting to know the other person and testing some of their skills for the new couples. For the established ones, it is a different kind of getting out of your regular routine.

My first escape game experience was in 2017 with a guy I was dating at that time, and I have to tell you it was super fun! First of all, because it was the first time to try this kind of leisure activity and second because I was there with my date and it was so cool for a change.

I remember we really enjoyed it. It was a great idea (mine :P) to spend time together, doing something else rather than the ordinary.

The first escape game took place 14 years ago in Kyoto. Since that time, this became a popular trend all over the world, and it’s still going strong,

Only in Dubai, If I’m not wrong, we have around 10 escape games shops. So plenty to try. But of course, I will have my personal recommendation down below.

Here Are A Few Reasons Why I Think Having A Date Night At An Escape Games Shop Is A Unique Idea

TEAMWORK 

Long-term, short-term couples, it doesn’t matter. The only way to solve the mind puzzles and find your way out is by joining forces and working as a team.

So you will have to be something like the ultimate dream team that for 60 minutes are facing those challenges together, and both are working towards a common goal. To escape in one hour … or even less.

This skill requires cooperation, communication, and support from both sides.

BUILD COMMUNICATION SKILLS 

Speaking about communication, you will enhance and improve how you address each other in a completely different environment.

SPEND TIME TOGETHER IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SCENARIO

How many times have you been out for dinner, movies, seeing friends, going to the beach, or taking a road trip? Countless, right? Almost every weekend.

Escape games are a very creative way for a date night that will take you out of your comfort zone and put you together with your better half in front of situations never experienced before.

When I tried the first time an escape game with my partner, I felt like I was part of my own movie where I was writing the script. Pretty damn exciting and unique sensation 

YOU’LL SHOW YOUR ADVENTUROUS SIDE 

It’s not a bad idea to see – at least for fun – how the other person reacts in a stressful situation when the clock is ticking, and they have to solve the puzzles in a 60 min time constraint. Or at least you will figure if they are willing to try new things.

It’s also a smart way to see if you guys click and check the other person’s vibe.

CREATE GREAT MEMORIES 

There will be so much to laugh and talk about after that. And let’s not forget the cool pictures you will have after that for a lifetime.

ICE BRAKER 

First dates are always more sensitive and can even be awkward.

Such activities proved that they are very efficient as an ice breaker for new daters. You will have the chance to know about each other’s personalities and character, and you will have the opportunity to break the ice and create an atmosphere of friendship and trust with your date.

GOOD VALUE

A memorable date is not about the money you take out of your pocket or the fancy restaurant you are going but quality and creativity. And an escape room date is the perfect way to get great value for your spending.

IT’S A WHOLE LOAD OF FUN

An escape room is all about having quality time together, getting out of your routine, or just using it as a fun opportunity to know each other better.

Even if you don’t escape and finish the game, it’s all about the good times and memories you are creating together.

In the end, it’s not about winning but the fun you’ll have to play those games.

LIFE IS SHORT, WHY WAIT? 

GRAB YOUR DATE FOR AN EXCITING GAME NIGHT AT COUNTDOWN CHALLENGE JBR

Bookings are made online.

Can you escape?